| (no subject) |
[Jul. 15th, 2004|06:06 pm] |
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its my birthday 2morrow, im really not looking forward to it because everythign usually fucks up and every forgets... i have 2 remind my own family that its my birthday... not that it really matters 2 any. but yes everything i planned for 2morrow has fallen through, wemf has fallen through, and now the only thing to do is go to hellfest and its going to fall through 2. just like everything does for me. |
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| kk |
[Jun. 16th, 2004|01:56 am] |
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so, my parents are going through divorce right now. my dad doesnt live at my house! yay. ontop of other things i have court on the 25th after having a warrant out for my arrest.... what else is new.... hmmm im starting a hardcore band. and at the strech armstrong / terror show i broke my knuckle.... i mean life is ok i guess, im just tired of everything. who wants to run away with me to some island and blaze ganja in peace and quite |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 8th, 2004|03:13 pm] |
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i cant stand nightmares, especially if it has to do with your actuall life. whenever i dream something that is involved with my life and my daily activities it usually comes true. this last nightmare was just another disappointment i didnt even want to get out of bed because i felt like its not even worth it. so its 315 and i had very little sleep.... very little SHITTY SLEEP. i have never been in this type of mood. well atleast im going to strech arm strong. |
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| w0rd |
[May. 28th, 2004|03:02 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blank | ] |
| [ | music |
| | most precious blood - less then zero | ] |
okey, so i havent updated.... even though not that many people read this shit anyways. but yes, my life... is the same ol shit. nothing is really going on with me.... i need a dog to guide me through this because im blind. its 3 am, im lonley and tired. this moment is all i own. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 14th, 2004|11:41 am] |
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i dont understand why life works like it does. i dont know why all the bad shit happens to me... and when you think it cant get anyworse. something good just pops into ur life... the problem is that i learned not to hope. because as far as i know, it wont be here forever. just like everything else ive had in my life. this sucks, i havent slept that much.... |
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| okey |
[May. 12th, 2004|07:06 am] |
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its 7am. ahhhh |
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| thoughts... |
[May. 9th, 2004|10:50 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  accomplished | ] |
im finaly back in the house, YAY!... not even. im kinda happy im back except the fact that he still lives here.... i have a few things to say to the people that are reading this. if they are reading this at all... but if not its gravy atleast i know i said it.
me - well heres a thought about me, i think that i am an idiot. i do not doubt it at all, i think my actions have been completly wrong. and i fucked myself over... im sick of me and i cant handle it any longer. i am changing and i am going to do whatever i have to.
jewly - i dont understand why this happened between us but... im sorry if i made u angry, sad, disappointed.... if u dont want anything to do with me its fine. im not asking for anything more but a friendship.
everyone - I FUCKED UP. IM SORRY FOR MAKING YOU ALL WORRIED ABOUT ME. I AM CHANGING FOR THE GOOD. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 7th, 2004|09:37 pm] |
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every night for the past week i fall asleep with tears in my eyes. i cant handle life, i dont want to live anymore. why does everything have to fall through and fuck me over. its like im on this world so everyone can watch me suffer. lately i dont even want to keep my head up, i dont want people to see my pathetic eyes. its so sad when u have nothing in your life.... absolutly nothing. not even a person to care about. id rather die then keep getting stomped on by everybody. im fucking sick of hearing "if i could help you... i would" i dont need help, i just want to close my eyes and never open them again. this is my life, if you can even call it life. |
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| fuck you |
[May. 5th, 2004|12:12 pm] |
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clearly i can see that this isnt going anywhere.... clearly i can see that u dont want anything to do with me... u let go. |
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| okaay |
[Apr. 24th, 2004|09:15 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  confused | ] |
blah! |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 17th, 2004|02:39 pm] |
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soooo last night i got really fucked up.... to a point where i didnt know what i was doing. my bones hurt, my head hurts, my heart kills.... im lifeless right now. the only thing good right now if this warm cup of tea next to me. certainly sweeter them everything else in my life. anyways, jewlzzzz is leavin tommorow for a week. bleeeh. well atleast shell enjoy the vacation. w/e ok, im out. enjoy this useless entery. |
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| yay |
[Apr. 15th, 2004|12:27 am] |
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yayayayyayayayayayayayayayayyayayay!!! YAY! wait.... waiiiiit..... im fucking bored, lonley, sober, annoyed, angry and happy.... whaaaaaat a weiiiiiiiird mix. hmmmmm so who wants to play the cool new game... beat arsen senseless with a wooden stick |
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| soo... |
[Apr. 11th, 2004|06:41 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  drunk | ] |
its about 6-7am.... im fucked the fuck up. i kinda drank a tad to much, smoked to much and had to much damn fun. but all for a good cause :). matts passed the fuck out, we blazed some chronic an hour ago. so hes sleeping here, lol. i called you about 3 or 4 times when i was dunk, and you were asleep. so hmmm.... about 4 more hours and u should be here shortly, cant wait. havent seen julie in long long time. :/ well i got not much to say... i can sum it up in a few words. SMACK ME PLEASE!!! |
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| well... |
[Apr. 8th, 2004|11:31 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  peaceful | ] |
i miss you.... |
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| two fucking words |
[Apr. 4th, 2004|12:12 pm] |
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fuck everthing!.... fuck newton, fuck the people that live in newton, fuck my luck, fuck my life, fuck you, fuck me, fuck my "friends" and fuck this journal. FUCK EVERYTHING I AM FUCKING PISSED AND IM GOING TO GO BEAT MY DADS ASS BECAUSE I NEED TO GET THIS SHIT THE FUCK OUT OF ME. |
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| fuck it |
[Apr. 3rd, 2004|11:57 am] |
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life is a piece of shit, i get fucked over on everything. julie: she lives 70 miles away. family: it sucks, my dad beats my ass and starts fight over everything. luck: i got none. parties: never end up good for me, something has to go wrong... i either cant go, cant find a ride, or it sucks when i go. friends: arent friends. me: i suck. lifes gay its not worth suffering thru all this... why do i still live it? because. im an idiot. fuck this stupid shit... |
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| YAY! |
[Apr. 3rd, 2004|01:11 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  YAY! | ] |
| [ | music |
| | rjd2 - heres whats left | ] |
so today was... nice? im drunk and very moody now. stuck somewhere between sad and very sad. i got into a fight with my dad, now i have this big bruise from me getting kicked. im also a hoe from a different area code. so im in the bestest mood possible, ready to get the razor blades out and do some body art on my veins... fuck it, ill just crawl in my empty bed and think about how depressing life is. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 1st, 2004|03:30 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cold | ] |
did i fuck up? am i doing something wrong?!?!?!?!!? |
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| nothing |
[Mar. 31st, 2004|07:09 pm] |
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ABSOLUTLY FUCKING NOTHING. thats all i hear, see, and feel. thats all i want from life, nothing. just a blank bullet striking me in the head at 1 mile an hour. digging away slowly into my skull penetrating through my blank mind and killing off every thought slowly. do you need me? i dont know...but i need you. |
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| i... need... you. |
[Mar. 31st, 2004|01:03 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  lonely | ] |
| [ | music |
| | american nightmare - farewell | ] |
hmmm i suck. not worthy of anything i have. thats that. life treats me to good and i treat life like shit. or is it the other way around? i dont even know. life just sucks. you find something perfect and then its not as perfect as you thought.. but thats the way life works. no matter what theres always a minor setback... i guess im going to have to deal with it untill we can figure out the solution. for now, im going to suffer the 76 mile gap between us and wait untill there is not even an inch between you and i. once you are in my arms im going to hold you forever and enjoy every second of it. untill then, im waiting. |
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